The United States of Rx

While returning from the courthouse, Nick - my ride - was going to be late for work. Naturally, we stopped off at the Medical Examiner's office to pick up a record. Of who, you ask? Billy Mays, real name: William Darrell Mays.

Approaching the door it said in big letters, CLOSED. Momentarily we were so discouraged we forgot the doors are always locked until someone buzzes you in. Then we noticed the tiny letters underneath CLOSED said "Friday, due to budget cuts." Phew!

The wonderfully nice lady inside stared at the two of us like slugs were coming out of our eyes when we asked for Billy Mays autopsy report. Then, we mentioned we wanted the public record of his autopsy and she happily marched off. She returned with his full dossier, offering us whatever we desired. Nervous and slightly panicky we asked for his autopsy, not the whole folder.

She came back with two copies of his autopsy report. No charge, she said with a smile. And off we went, giddy at holding what was inside one of those terrifying color-coded folders.

Nick went off to work and I stopped at Louis Pappas for dinner. I hadn't been there since I went vegetarian and immediately regretted my decision. The wafting scent of Döner kebab is a tantalizing devil, indeed.

I dove into the report while chewing my portabella mushroom sandwich. He died in his sleep, in bed with his wife, Deborah Mays. He was in full rigor with "blood-tinged emesis" on his nightwear. The report read the authorities "arrived to find obvious death."

The detailed description of findings pleased my every voyeuristic fancy. His scalp hair has gray roots, I knew he dyed that luscious black hair - and his beard too! It also mentioned that his scrotal sac was unremarkable, which is somewhat unfortunate for him.

He died, like Dr. Adams told us, of Hypertensive and Atherosclerotic heart disease. A contributory cause was cocaine use, though none was in his system when he died. The manner of death was deemed natural. He was 50 years old.

The toxicology report listed specimens tested. This means his fluids went through the same "Specimens Receiving" door we traveled through. Ocular fluid was one of those, so yes, they removed an eye. At the very least they used a syringe to extract liquid from it.
In his system were three different opiods: Hydrocodone, Oxycodone and Tramadol. Also present were a cocktail of different prescription drugs: Alprazolam, which is Xanax, a drug for anxiety; Diazepam, which is valium; Nordiazepam, which is another anxiety drug; Benzoylecgonine, which is a residue left over from the metabolizing of cocaine; and Temazepam, which is a sleeping pill.

Now, if I were a reporter, I'd be asking, why Mays' death was not due to an abundance of prescription drugs? Sure, I know cocaine is illicit, but who says its safe to be on that many different drugs during your lifetime? The only prescription Mays was currently on was for Tramadol and Hydrocodone to cope with pain for his hip surgery that was supposed to happen the next day. Still, he had all that mess in his body at one point.

But, no. We are the United States of Rx. Have a problem? Here's a pill. Anyone can milk a doctor for legal drugs and until the autopsies of the drug industry's victims reveal the multiple factors leading to death, we will continue to be pumped full of pills. That's what Mays' wife should be outraged about.

These pills are killing us by age 50, dying a natural death, beside our wife, our husband, our children. In our home, no less, and for no apparent reason.